With the summer holidays now over, like so many of us, I have been experiencing the ongoing challenges of finding the right balance between family, work, my own needs, and time with ‘Boots’… Just as I was beginning to feel quite overwhelmed, I had a timely reminder of the important things in life, as my little girl came down with a nasty dose of Scarlet Fever! It was time to let some of the juggling balls drop. I had to re-prioritise and accept that my blog, facebook, various house chores, and some of my goals with ‘Boots’ just had to wait…

© Donna McKenzie

“Good horsemanship is understanding the horse physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.”

After hearing what ‘Boots’ had to say during our first session I knew my work was cut out for me. As an experienced horse trainer and behaviour consultant I was aware there were many potential reasons for her behaviour. As such I would need to go through a steady process of elimination to get to the root of her problems. First however, I knew I needed to focus on building trust and a mutually beneficial relationship, to create a foundation from which to build on.

For me it was clear from the start that physical pain or discomfort may be driving her behaviour. When I considered her previous history of injuries, accidents and incidents, it was possible any of these could have resulted in lasting physical (and emotional) effects. Pain would certainly explain her defensive reactions, history of rearing, refusal to load into a trailer, and aversion to clipping. At the same time her attachment history and number of different handlers would also lead to feelings of insecurity and hyper vigilance, adversely affecting her ability to build relationships and learn. Plus her current lack of turnout and interaction with other horses would be negatively impacting on her mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Whatever the potential causes, be it Pain, Behavioural or Both, I was faced with the reality of how it is for Boots now, and the need to prioritise what I was going to do to help her most. How I needed to find ways to meet her behavioural needs and build trust and confidence in our relationship. So that we could go on to safely explore, and hopefully eliminate, any potential physical problems that were contributing to her behaviour.

When exploring ‘behavioural problems’ most good horse trainers understand the impact of physical pain and advocate ruling this out, first and foremost. Although I totally agree with this, when there is no obvious problem or lameness it is not always easy to find the source, or to get a clear diagnosis – especially with a horse that will not tolerate touch or travelling to the vet!! In fact in my experience, the stresses involved in numerous tests can activate the horse’s innate ability to mask any physical problems or weaknesses and put real strain on their relationships. Potentially increasing the chances of things being exacerbated, missed, or misinterpreted.

‘ALL behaviour IS communication’ and ‘Behaviour is driven by emotions’

© Donna McKenzie

So starting with curiosity, I needed to objectively observe her body language within a variety of environments and situations: What was she actually doing? Where, when, and with whom does the behaviour occur? What happens before, during, and after the behaviour? What happens if I change what I am doing or asking?… All questions that would help me to identify any triggers and find ways to create more positive interactions.

I also needed to get creative. To become playful, thinking outside the box to try different ways to build trust and confidence in our relationship, focusing on modeling and engaging the CARE, SEEKING & PLAY emotional systems to build a strong bond and secure attachment. I needed to give her unconditional Love, setting aside my ego, judgments’ and limiting beliefs, to tune in and listen to her needs and wants. Always accepting her perspective, empathising with her, and adapting what I was doing to avoid the FEAR and RAGE systems. Whilst ensuring she had equine companions close by to avoid triggering the PANIC/LOSS emotional system.

© Donna McKenzie

Hence I started working with her within the environment where she appeared most comfortable and relaxed. With her trusted friend and companion alongside. (See previous video). Mindful of her aversion to touch I reminded myself to ask for her permission to do so, giving her the freedom to express herself and the choice to interact, or not, as far as possible. A challenge to my ego perhaps, but vital if I wanted to build a true trust based relationship.

I explored ways to create benefit in our interactions, introducing a number of different objects and obstacles to encourage curiosity and exploration. Whilst adding in some treats to find, to activate the SEEKING system, I was building her confidence to being on her own with me. All the while working to ensure her behavioural needs of turnout and companionship where met as far as possible. This led to our first breakthrough session where Boots started to experience the benefits of touch and engaging the CARE emotional system. See photos below…

To demonstrate here is a short clip of one of our early liberty sessions where Boots is empowered to communicate her concerns. She is given the time and space to consider and process what we are doing, and although I use a mild aversive signal to regain her attention, there is no escalation of pressure, or expectations on what she ‘should’ be doing. As you can see she is just beginning to look to me for guidance and reassurance, seeking security when she becomes spooked, or unsure of her environment. Link to video

These days I can see that this foundation work is all paying off and it is rare to see her ‘grumpy’ face, even when faced with new and potentially scary situations. In fact this summer I had the pleasure of witnessing ‘Boots’ happily meet, gently interact with, and chose to follow my kids around at Liberty, bringing a sense of joy to my heart.

Next time I will be sharing more about the challenges of our journey, the ups and downs, and the steps I took to uncover the source of her concerns..

In the meantime, it’s been a while since my last post, so I’d love to hear if you are reading and finding these blogs useful. If so, please ‘like’, share, or comment below and if you have any questions, then please don’t hesitate to ask.

Till next time, enjoy the moment, with a little #TLC

With best wishes
Debbie

The 7 Core Emotional Systems
Jaak Panksepp, an Affective Neuroscientist has spent a lifetime studying animal emotions and identified 7 Core Emotional Systems, shared by all mammals. Each system has different levels of arousal. Our brains and nervous systems are social organs and so it is through these emotional systems that we are able to tune in with each other but more on that next time…

• RAGE – Frustration, irritation, restraint
• FEAR – Pain, threat, foreboding
• GRIEF – Separation distress, panic, social loss
• CARE – Maternal, nurturing, social bonding
• PLAY – Playfulness, joy.
• SEEKING – Explorative urge, curiosity, anticipation, desire
• LUST – Copulation in adults

The systems in italic all activate the sympathetic nervous system creating discordant energy and the stress response. – Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn. Whilst those in bold activate the parasympathetic nervous system creating coherent energy and the calming response – Rest & Digest. For more information on these emotional systems and the way horses feel, please check out this wonderful series of videos by Rachel Bedingfield.

‘Perception’:
“The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.”
“The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.”

As the gate latch clicks behind me, my heart sings when I see ‘Boots’ lift her head from the grass and look over. A smile spreads through me as she turns to walk, and then trot, over to greet me. It’s taken a while but for me, I feel things are starting to change. Slowing respectfully, she draws near, reaching out her long neck to say hello & inhale my scent.

“Hello beautiful,” my whole being says, as we take a moment to check in with each other. Warm breath on my hand, ears pricked and curious, I step to her shoulder and reach out to stroke her. “Let’s go and check out the fresh grass by the brook”. I head off with purpose and she raises her head, still, yet enquiring. After a moment she starts to follow and I pause to let her catch up. Together we walk towards the bottom gate as her mum joins in with our stride…

“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.” Henri Bergson

I remember back to the first time I saw her. Alone in her stable she was snatching mouthfuls of hay and looking out, eyes wide, head high. A beautiful tri-colour tobiano, she reminded me of my last horse Mr M, yet something was not right. She appeared detached, agitated, and unsure. Her owner was telling me about her past…

It was a complex story; 8 different places she’d lived, in as many years. She’d experienced a whole range of different trainers, riders, and handlers, as well as the lady who owned and bred her who’d called me to help. She’d had two significant injuries by the age of 6 months: one at only 5 weeks old, the other, when weaned from her mum. She was known to rear occasionally when being led, I later found out, flipping over at least 3 times on separate occasions when being asked to load into a trailer. Plus she didn’t like to be clipped, requiring sedation to do so.

Yet interestingly, I’d been asked to come and help with her ‘loading problem,’ as otherwise ‘all was fine’. She just had a tendency to sometimes be a bit ‘stubborn’, ‘cheeky’ and occasionally, a bit of a ‘grumpy mare’.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

I have long been fascinated by how we all see and perceive things so differently. Yet it is only more recently that I have started to really understand the extent to which we all filter what we see, hear, and even feel. Filling in the gaps to see what we are looking for, according to our internal beliefs. This in turn shapes our behaviour and actions, creating more of what we believe.

When I became a mum, I took the opportunity to question what I do, to step back and explore the advances in horse training and related science. The idea of the Alpha mare and dominance theory now put into question, I wanted to find out more. Through the ‘Meeting of Minds’ program and my own continued research, I now believe that there are endless ways of doing, and seeing things. Yet I understand that for so many, this is not the case.

During this time, I also came across attachment theories and began to understand that it is not about what training method, tool, or technique we use. It is all about the ‘Art and Science of Relationships’ and the importance of feelings of safety, stability, and security, in order to learn and grow. How we can build mutually beneficial partnerships, to become the leader our horses want to follow.

To achieve this, I do my best to keep an open, positive and non-judgemental mind. To stop, ground myself and breathe, helping me to become fully aware and present in the moment. To listen to, and connect with, all my senses, and to become more aware of the conclusions and judgements I make.

For I believe that ALL behaviour IS communication, and emotions drive behaviour. This leads me to become curious, to wonder, what is a horse trying to tell me? How are they feeling and why, and perhaps more importantly, what can I do to help support, or change this?

Next time I will be sharing my first few sessions with ‘Boots’. The shock and surprise I had when I saw what she really had to say, and the first steps I took, to start building a bond and trust based relationship…

In the meantime, I wonder what YOU see, hear, or feel, when you watch this short clip of ‘Boots’, her mum and I, down by the brook together…? My non-horsey husband says he see’s two horses eating, with some birds singing in the background!! Of course he is right, as this is his perception, but I’m really curious to find out if you see, hear, or feel anything different…

So sit back, make sure your volume is turned up, and click the link here…
Please leave your comments below, and thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

Till next time, enjoy the moment, with a little TLC

With best wishes

Debbie

What do the words ‘good horsemanship’ mean to you?
For me it is about our horse/human relationships; understanding our horses and ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally – A holistic approach to managing, caring for and building trust based relationships with our equine friends.

Over the last 3 yrs I’ve been working with a wide variety of trainers, coaches, behaviourists, and equine therapists, all exploring different; methods, techniques, approaches, and belief’s, and all working to identify the foundations of good horsemanship.

What we found is: ‘Horsemanship’ is not about any specific ‘training’, ‘tool’, ‘method’ or ‘technique’ … It’s all about relationships…

Our ability to connect, understand and empathise, with our horses and ourselves.

Debbie and Caddy connecting with some mutual grooming

In fact I believe it is more about a way of ‘being’ not ‘doing’, ‘who we are’ and ‘how we show up’…

As demonstrated beautifully by my non-horsey husband!!!

– The Science Bit –

1. All cells are in a state of either protection, or, growth and development
2. The brain and neurological system is a social organ, responding to, and learning from others.
3. We all have ‘Mirror neurons’ in the gut and brain, which replicate what is going on around us. – Gut Instincts
4. Emotional nurture is a physiological need.

Building Trust and activating the nervous system with 4yo Feather

The recent advances in science and neuroscience have shown that we cannot grow and develop normally as children. Or learn, develop resilience, and be happy and healthy as adults, without feelings of safety, stability and security.

As such, secure attachment relationships, build brains. Helping our nervous systems find the vital balance between arousal vs. calming – Fight, flight, freeze vs. Rest and Digest.

In fact without comfort and emotional nurture we cannot survive…
As ‘Bolby’ the father of Attachment theories describes: “Seeking a close, trusting relationship, of care, comfort and love, is a natural instinctive behaviour.”

So what does this mean for our horse-human relationships? This brings us to…

– The Art Bit –

1. It’s all about the art of love and relationships.
2. Building trust through Understanding and Communication.
3. Engaging the seeking, play and care emotional systems, as described by Panksepp (1998)
4. Using Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy (PACE – Daniel Hughes, clinical psychologist.) to build strong bonds and encourage learning and development, in our horses & ourselves.

Building bonds through Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy

And so, in 2013 we developed the ‘Understanding Equus’ attachment aware relationship model, ‘TLC’. A simple reminder of the 3 keys to building successful relationships…

TLC = Trust, Listen and Connect.

T = Trust: The foundation of all good relationships. Trust requires empathy – the ability to ‘walk in your horse’s shoes’ – When we feel understood, we feel calmer, more ready to take risks. A calm and alert state means we are ready to learn.

L = Listen: Remember, Emotions drive behaviour and behaviour IS communication. Therefore emotional intelligence is vital for establishing and maintaining positive relationships. The starting point of all good communication is the importance of mindfulness, being truly in the moment, and able to tune in to ourselves and others. This enables us to model the behaviour we wish to see in others.

C = Connect: With love, empathy, creativity and play. Heart-rhythm synchronization occurs between people when they are feeling love and care for each other. Establishing a heart-felt connection and 2 way communication is vital to achieve the appropriate level of growth and development. Engaging the seeking, play and care systems to encourage and stimulate learning.

Respond and engage; assessing needs and activating the nervous system, through touch, or physical engagement.

Relax, balance and regulate; To sense, listen, and feel in the moment, without the distraction of the past, or the future.

Challenge and Stimulation; is vital for learning and neuroplasticity means we ALL have the ability to change and learn new things.

This model underpins the ‘Understanding Equus’ Horsemanship Coaching and ‘Equine Assisted Learning’ programs for horse owners, adults and young people:

– Horsemanship Coaching –

It is my belief that there is no ‘one’ or ‘best’ way to training and being with horses, and different methods and approaches, suit different people and different horses.
Each horse and human is unique, a product of their own genetics and life experiences. Therefore each will resonate with and respond to different training methods and approaches.
My work as a horsemanship coach reflects this, as I help people to: Build better relationships and find what methods, training and support they need, to realize their dreams.

– EAL –

Together with emotion coaching, the ‘TLC’ model forms the basis of the Equine Assisted Learning and Development Courses and programs we run.
Partnering with the horses, we offer Coaching and Facilitation for adults and young people.
1. For personal or professional development, life and social skills.
2. Developing leadership, teamwork and communication skills.
3. Building trust, confidence, emotional intelligence, self belief and resilience

Including the ‘Building Connections’ EAL program for young people in care. This is a 6-10 Week program, interacting with horses, helping children to develop life and social skills, emotional resilience, confidence and trust, in themselves & others.

Summary

So, next time you go to your horse, remember:
“Be the change you want to see in your horse”

Stop, ground yourself, and breath…

Then just think, we all need a little: TLC –
Trust, Listen and Connect, to build happy and healthy relationships

Photo’s taken at The Natural Equine Fair 2015.

Thank you to Lindy Wale and all the students at Kingston Maurward College for organizing, to Lorrie Bee & Hazel-Ann Wilson for the beautiful photo’s, to Caddy, Feather and Charlotte for braving the audience and to all who attended for your input and questions. Thank you also to my long-suffering husband! We hope you enjoyed the day and left with plenty of food for thought.